Monday, December 10, 2012

Budget Cuts for Santa

My poor best friend's kids!  I hope they have a good Christmas this year. My friend Candace is a stay-at-home mom with two kids.  Her family, much like many other families, aren't having the easiest time in this economy - especially during this holiday season.  It's amazing how every kid has this grand idea that somewhere between Thanksgiving and Christmas, their parents all of a sudden find millions of dollars!  And since their parents have this new found fortune, there should be no problem purchasing the child a new i-pad, an Xbox 360, or every Barbie ever made!  I was joking with Candace and told her, "Instead of gifts this year, write a letter to your kids from Santa explaining the delicate economy of the North Pole in hopes they will understand why they are not getting as many presents this year."

Dear Children,
As you know, I Santa, love all good little boys and girls around the world!  But, unfortunately, due to the economy we have had to make a few budget cuts here at the North Pole. I'm very sad to report, since our numbers have been lower than projected, we had to close half of our gift wrapping wing and all the toy painting stations.  Our production has caused us to have lower amounts of toys for Christmas of 2012.  We also had to raise our standards for the Naughty and Nice List.  In doing so, we have hired more field elves who come into your homes to watch, analyze and report your every move.  We call it, "The Elf on the Shelf Project." We have been talking with many of the accounting elves about trying to prepare for the fiscal cliff we are facing.  We are also currently talking to both the Grinch and Frosty the Snowman to see if we may be able to out source any additional work that is needed.   I have even cashed in every Frequent Flier Mile to ensure I will make it to all the good children this year.  Unfortunately, it may take a little longer since we can only take half of the reindeer because their food has been rationed off.  Also, Comet, Blitzen, and Dasher have been layed off due to the Reindeer Strike for more food.  Since the layoffs we have decided it will take longer than Christmas Eve night to deliver all the gifts throughout the world.  So, we have made an official declaration here at the North Pole that Christmas will run through December 27 of this year.  We ask that you will be patient, and I guarantee your gift will arrive within 1-3 business days.   Lastly, if you would like to donate any used toys to our workshop, it would be most appreciated.  To those children who made the Naughty List, you will not be receiving coal this year since we couldn't fit it into the budget, so expect nothing.

Thank you,

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